The depression the illness everything has crumbled around me. I am sure you noticed my giveaway stopped…not because i wanted it to but because I was laid up in bed sick pretending to people who phoned I was ok. I didn’t check my email I didn’t check anything I stopped everything. I did some art which is what it is but I realized through all this I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t blog I can’t email I can’t facebook…. I just don’t care.
I have waited to do this post until I cared again I thought the 33 day giveaway was a great way to get me ‘back in the game’ but I don’t care.
I am depressed truly and completely in a way people don’t understand. It is debilitating.
for someone who once thought they would take over the world or at least take the world by storm I am lost.
Vibrant, capable, unstoppable are things people have described me as but truly I am just barely existing. Life is a struggle daily tasks like taking a shower or leaving the house are monumental and when I do one of these things I am proud of myself…because taking over the world can wait until tomorrow.
I don’t want to take over the world I just want to be left alone to do my art my passion and besides people piss me off. this site will remain open until Nov… but what I will do with it if anything is a mystery.
Those that have an online career and use blogging in a satisfactory way I admire and commend you. I thought that is what I wanted too but right now it all seems like self-serving bullshit and that is how I feel when I blog. It is some means to an end some self gratifying pontification.
I’m smart I’m capable I am amazing but this no longer serves me….this I must let go.
Blogging, the website an online career my art calls and that is what my brain can latch onto and love and use…it was my birthday this week I am 33 and there is much I have to learn but right now all i know is I have to let go of this…the site the newsletter the online world….I release it.
For those that have shared in my journey thank you and your love and support has meant the world but I have to follow my heart and my art is my heart
In radiant love and sparkling light,
some of my art…